Assalamualaikum and hi everyone.
Its been 9 days since the day i've broken up with my ex boyfriend, which, the boyfriend once upon a time that i love very much. so so much. i cant believe that i lost him after 2 years being together. it is hard to accept the fact that he is not mine anymore but, he is someone else boyfriend now.
It started with that 1 night on 1st september 2019, a girl texted me asked who i am and said that she found my number in his phone. she asked if i am still in a relationship and i said yes and i told her that we've been together since 2017. after we figured out the truth for everything, i decided to contact him first, to ask for a confirmation, and it turns out its true, that he's been cheating on me since July. the girl told me that she will leave him for good since she don't want to betray me as a woman. but unofficially she did. she keep on saying to me that he is a very good boyfriend and it is hard for her to leave. she mentioned too that she have been in my situation before so i expected that she would really leave but she didnt.
in the end, i decided to leave the relationship, because i can never accept the idea of sharing. i leave because i am tired. i leave because i am very jealous. i leave because he wanted to be selfish to have both. i thought that, when the both of us is a very jealously person, he wont do that to me again as he will know how i feel. even more sad, he touched her... i thought i was special, i thought i was the only person that he wanted to touch but turns out that is not true.
but we ended out relationship in a good terms. he will always remain as my best memories, as someone that know every side of me, as someone that i love so much and dearly, and as someone that will always feel like home to me. i no longer have a place where i can be myself and be happy. i no longer have someone to hug and to give my affection to. i no longer have someone that cared so much about me.
yesterday, he decided to unfollowed me from twitter and instagram because he said he wanted to focus on his girlfriend, which hurts me that now, i am his ex girlfriend. i never wanted this thing to happened. i never wanted a break. i never wanted a third person came. but it happened. his girlfriend also is suspiciously being so kind to me. so i have to cut myself from them. because everytime i look at their pictures together that his girlfriend sent to me before, i feel...so jealous. i am no longer the only person that he loved so much. he love someone else now. even though he said that he still loves me and misses me, but i know...eventually the feelings will fade away because he have someone that will cure the pain, someone that will make him forget the pain, someone that will make him forget about me.
i wish i am still the only person that he only focused on, the person that he loved so much, the person that...i dont know. im lost in words. im too sad. very sad. i never expected this days would come. i wish it was a bad dream but it is the reality. and i learn it in a hard way.
everyday i can't stop thinking about him and how i missed everything about him. he was my world. but now, he is someone else's. even until now, i still hope that he would read this. knowing that i am also, missing him so much everyday just like how he did. but maybe not as much as how i feel because he still have someone to love, and he didn't given up on her.
i dont know how am i going to get through this everyday but i believe i can and i can be strong. his gift for our first anniversary is still my sleeping partner, because, the gift is more than just a gift to me.
i miss you, very much. and how i wish that you would come back but i know you wouldn't and i need to accept that. if you are reading this, take care.
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