Gaining Weight

Assalamualaikum and hi everyone. Right now, i completely loose my self-confident right now and i started to hate myself. I realized since the holiday started, i slowly gaining weight and the part that i hate the most is that i’m gaining that weight that i used to have when i just finished my SPM. I dont want to tell what is my weight at that time.

   But then i loose my weight after that because i entered university and not long after that i joined the rugby team and i always fasting. So i succeed to loose 10kg and i honestly love myself at that time and i am happy because i can where anything i want. But it doesnt last long.

   So during this holiday, i dont know why i can’t control my appetite to eat. I will always eat. But then i realized that i need to take care of my body so i started to do skipping and drink green tea and try to control my eating habit. I know its just been 2 days since i started that routine but i was shocked when i checked my latest weight, oh God only God knows how depressed i am and pressured i am. I feel like i want to burst out and cry out loud.

   Somehow people might laugh because i feel depressed because of these but it matters to me. I want to have a healthy body and i tried to have that healthy body but i dont know whats wrong. People around me is slim and can eat as much as they want but me? Do you feel me when you are the only one who needs to control makan but everyone is eating happily without hesitation? And when that moment happens, everyone force me to eat and saying something like “ala bukan selalu” but the pressure is on me.

   I am sad when everytime the blame is on me when my weight is gaining. I dont want this. I wish i could just vanish from people’s life right now. Sometimes i also think of taking the easiest way to slim because i desperately want to have that healthy body. I hate that things like this, just about my weight, i feel depressed and sad. Because in the end its my fault for not controlling my eating habit right?