Friends

Assalamualaikum and hello gais. So today is kinda early for me to update my blog because my usual time to update is usually in the middle of the night were the time I am alone, or everyone is asleep. But today, I'm updating at 1pm, using the library's computer just because I need to express something.

   Just now, I had a discussion with Diana and Aida on how to settle the misunderstandings between us and my roommate, Teha. Its not just the three of us, but the other 4 of us. But the main reason these misunderstandings happened is when Ain and Teha had an arguments about their group project for the past semester. Selama ni, I'm trying to be very neutral between my roommate and my other friends just to prevent them from feeling that i'm ignoring one of them. But it seems  like, everything is on me. I feel that its my fault in the beginning because i have no effort to make them good again with each other. I know in the first place i should always ajak sekali my roommate keluar sama sama so that she didn't feel abandoned. I didnt do that. Instead, i just left the room when im going somewhere but only letting her know where im going if i feel like i want to.

   To be honest, im really tired and somehow i feel unappreciated but its not valid for me to say that. Because i am trying my best to be the best for everyone, because i love them but in the end, im always at fault. So what can i do right now? I believe that when we reunite to settle the misunderstandings, there will be my fault because i am the one who is totally in the middle. I can't satisfy everyone and how i just wish that i can be by myself without hurting other people. I am always feel that I am the one who give damage to people who loves me.

   I am really at my lowest state right now. Feeling useless, feeling horrible, feeling that i am selfish, everything.