Assalamualaikum and hi. So macam biasa, my cliche starting of my entry, it's been a while since the last time i wrote and update my blog. Tonight, i will write something that have no different from my entries back then. It will always about my insecurities, overthinking, and apologizing.
This time, i told my boyfriend 2 days ago, that i feel insecure and overthinking and i asked if he is bored with me. Sometimes, we can feel the difference in someone's vibe but i know maybe i overreacting again. Its just because my boyfriend have his own life with his games, basketball, friends while me, i depends on him too much. I don't know. Maybe because i think that's what boyfriend does in the first place but maybe its just my own perception.
I missed him everyday, and hoping too much from him. Until it makes me feel that he is tired of me already but because he still loves me, so he stayed, and didn't leave me. I'm afraid that one day he might leave me because these attitudes of mine that i think never change. But only God knows how much i want to change. I tried and will continue to try.
I admit that i am very very very happy being beside my boyfriend. But moving on completely from the past might takes time. I almost moved on from the past. I just need a little more time because to me, what happened in the past, is soo painful that 1 in a million person in the world can bare with it. Its a miracle to me how love can make you strong and how a person can change your whole life, of course to the better. I honestly value every single effort that he did. Sometimes i feel guilty because keep on repeating the same mistake. His friends always said that he is lucky to have me while i think i always causing trouble everytime. Because he changed already. To the better. Its only me, who still stuck in that moment, in that past that i should moved on.
Maybe because i'm leaving the campus soon. That's why my insecurities and overthinking is still there. Because i'm not here soon. I can't see him easily like we used to. We will have our long distance relationship.
Sayang, i'm sorry, if you are tired layan kerenah i yang sama ni. I just wanted that constant assurance. Even hari ni, when i send a picture of mine, when you didn't respond anything to my picture, i started to overthink that you are bored or not excited because of the confession i did 2 days ago. Honestly i just love how you reacted when we had our holidays last week. I'm sorry again because i don't know how to react well when you are being sweet and very nice. Every moment with you is exciting for me even though sometimes i kept quiet not talking anything. Being besides you never feels boring to me and i always like to be with you. I'm just suck in reacting. For i don't know how many times already i said this, but, i'm saying it again, that i love you so much, that nobody in this world compares to you. You are very precious to me, that i love you very much, that i want to spend my whole life with you, having our kids together and grow old with you. You are my world and my everything. I love you.
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