Confident.

Assalamualaikum and hi. So here again i'm typing late at night and it will always because i have a lot of thoughts that may seem unnecessary but i take it seriously.

   So i decided to deactivate my twitter and instagram. But i can't deactivate instagram for now because they said i can only deactivate once a week. I'll try again tomorrow.

   The thing is tonight, here, i'm letting go all of my thoughts because i have this thoughts that make me feel not confident of myself. Its because i have this attitude that i like to satisfy people's need just to have a good bond with all people around me. But when i started to overthink that people hates me or maybe talked bad about me, i started to lose my confident. I feel that i'm a failure and a disappointment while i never know if that person ever think of that. Again, its just because of my overthinking. When i started to overthink, i have no confident and that's why i quite often deactivate my social media plus, i will not be as happy as i always be. This feeling is temporary but i hate it when i often have this feeling.

   No matter how i tried my best to improve myself, there will be one day that i felt like this. But i guess i didn't improve that much since there will be a day or two that i will be like this in a week. I feel like i'm a burden when i have this overthinking and insecurities. A burden to all people around me. Especially my family, my man and my friends. But i'm blessed because they still wanted to cope with my attitude even if it is for sure tiring..

   The bad habit that i have is that, i will always stalk people that i felt like they are perfect at least to me and i will started to feel very...you know, insecure. And i'm very sensitive when i can see the slightest change in maybe attitude or the way on how people that are important to me treated me. I felt that  they become like that because of me without figuring out the exact reason.

   I don't know why i wanted to satisfy all people around me. I know i shouldn't do that because we are human and not perfect. I think i need a plenty of time to overcome my attitude. I guess that's why people that are close to me maybe annoyed with me because i never changed. But i wanted them to know that i desperately wanted to be better. I want to... and i'm glad that they wanted to help me. Especially my man. But i guess it takes time and sometimes i feel that maybe i'm mentally abused that i'm being like this? Is there any correlation?