Assalamualaikum and hi. Today has been a long day for me and its quite hot these few days. I just settled my presentations today and alhamdulillah it went well but i forgot to introduce myself when i'm presenting hahaha.
So 2 days ago, i had this, heart-to-heart session with my boyfriend. One of our conversation is that, i am concern about our internship. I probably will have my internship this September and i will not be in the campus. Then, when i'm back at the campus, he is the one who will have his internship. So we will not see each other quite a long time and maybe harder to meet if one of us don't have any transport.
Honestly, i'm afraid of long-distance relationship. I'm afraid of any circumstances when we are far apart. I know September is quite long way to go but its in this year so it is near. I have that insecurities when we are not far but i have more insecurities when we are far apart. I'm afraid that he might get bored with me and needed someone near him because i'm just too far away. Sometimes missing someone too much can make you make a foolish decision by finding someone new near you. That's why i love to see how my friends can deal with their long-distance relationship and how they can be loyal to each other. I don't know how i will deal with my long-distance relationship if i have to face it one day.
Maybe because i'm too afraid thinking about that makes me feel insecure this way. I wanted to believe that we can love each other in a very long term or in other words, we have the love for each other that never dies. (masyaAllah bat jiwangnya) I'm being paranoid like this because i've seen some couples, even married couples in front of my eyes, how they treat their partner when the love is not there but for the sake of duration, or for the sake of their children, or for the sake of nak jaga hati masing masing, they stayed. I never like that kind of relationship and i don't want to have that kind of relationship.
That's why, i did said to myself a long time ago that i never wanted a partner because i'm just afraid all of that and the most scary part is, divorce. I know i think about this too far but it disturbs me sometime. But, no matter how i said that i don't want a partner in my life because of my fear and insecurities, we just can't live without love. By the end of the day, all we need is our loved ones and a place where we can feel the affection from out significant other.
I am blessed to have such a great boyfriend even though there were so much things that i faced. But i believe that, everything happens for a reason and now i'm loving my boyfriend more day by day. Thank you for being a part of my life and i love you very much.
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