Mistakes That I've Made.

Assalamualaikum and hi. This week is my very tiring week, mentally, emotionally and physically. Its week 2 of my study here and things just go uncontrolled. Its all because of me. I like to make a bad assumptions about a person or a situation, and i didn't realized that i made my own friends look bad just to make me feel that i am not. I'm just being insecure over everything. I am afraid if people hate me. I guess that is why i am being that way.

   I don't know how long will my past mistakes haunt me because my mistakes towards the people around me, especially the people that give their love so much to me really makes me regretted so much of the things that i have done. I feel ashamed when i meet them actually because i realize how big my mistakes towards them. I know that people do make mistakes but i don't know if i am strong enough to face all this.

   I am glad to have a very understanding friends and boyfriend, and more blessed when they accepted me just the way i am without judging me. I couldn't ask for more because they complete me in every way. But the problem is just me, who always think negatively, overthink about unnecessary things and feel insecure because i am afraid that they would leave me.

   I guess that is why i always hated myself because deep down, i know i made a big mistakes. Thanks to my friend for making me realize about my mistakes, giving me the chance to change and thanks to my boyfriend who always being a very understanding partner without i realizing it.

   From now on, i should know how to handle myself well and face everything by myself. Even though my boyfriend always said that i have him by my side to support me, but i know i can't lean 100% on him. I never wanted to burden him so much with my problems. I feel horrible. 

   I think tonight i felt this sad because i am actually tired and i missed my boyfriend so much. He went to the beach today with his friends. The place that i wanted to go the most since last semester. I aimed to go there and enjoy the view with him but i don't know when we will have that chance. I planned to hang out with him next week to go to Aeon Ipoh Klebang and maybe to the beach if possible but, i am broke already because today i spent a lot at Tambun with my friends.

   I guess it is fair enough for both of us today to have fun with our friends but at the same time, i wish he was there with me, having fun together. The funny thing is, i even imagined if he was there, with me, playing around at the theme park. Lol me. I should rest.