No Purpose.

 Assalamualaikum and hello. I am feeling quite not in the mood tonight. I suddenly cried and get annoyed over the smallest thing. I don't even know why. 

   My ex boyfriend followed me on tumblr yesterday and updated a post saying that he missed me. I am damn mad actually but at the same time i'm trying my best to not to be affected by it. Why la he need to mess with my feelings. When i was his girlfriend, never that he ever tried to make things up again and make me feel loved. I can feel that my existence before this year is just to fill up the void inside him and that because he only love my existence. He doesn't love me that much. And now when i'm gone, he can just say that he misses me just like that. 

  I am mad because i was looking forward to our relationship before. I thought he was serious when he said that he wanted only me and wanted to be together till the end. But words are just words. His actions never showed that he wanted to have a life together with me. How many times he promised to introduce me to his mom but never once that he kept the promise? How many times that he said he only love me but there's actually someone else in his heart and mind? How many times that he fucked things up in the end? Why does he need to be like that? Why? We were so happy before he cheated on me last year. I was so excited to go through our next chapter in life together. I was excited about everything. But I guess, maybe this is a sign that we are not meant to be in the first place? 

  It is scary that, no matter how long the relationship was, how in love you were before, in the end you need to part ways because both are actually not meant to be at all. I am damn tired. So tired to be in a relationship. To start all over again with someone new, is never easy. Fuck everything. I am so damn tired with everything. I am so not in the mood. I wish i can punch my ex boyfriend in the face and let him feel the pain that i feel. But why should i waste my energy to someone that never try to fix himself first? He promised me to give himself a chance and a break from a relationship but guess what? Right after we broke up, he texted the ex that was waiting for him all this while and i guess terus be in a relationship after that? Ugh whatever