Almost Do.

Assalamualaikum and hello everyone. Its been awhile since the last time i wrote. Just came back from Japan last week and now i'm catching up things here especially my FYP. Guess what, i still haven't started my FYP and i know im going to kill myself for that.

   Lately i've been feeling down for some reasons. Personal feelings, family, my studies. But of course, i'll just write about my personal feelings here because it is too complicated to write about others. Since i've been feeling not okay lately, there are many times that i almost contacted my ex boyfriend because i think that he is the only person who understands me so much and will help me get through my problems. His answers to all my problems always helped me and made me feel calm.

   Its hard when he is the only person who knows you very much, who knows how your families are, who knows how your social life goes. I depend myself on him too much in the past. But then in the end, i think of the solutions to my problems on my own and i keep everything just to myself. I'm tired of explaining myself to other people that are close to me. Not everyone will get it, not everyone will understand. He is the only person who knows how to comfort me when i felt miserable, when i am at my lowest. I hated to think that i don't have that someone to rely on anymore.

   Everything is hard for me since the day i broke up with my ex boyfriend. I mean, my life is never easy before i knew him but at least with his existence in the past, i have at least a place that i called home.

   How i cope with myself that always feel broken is far more worst. I can't lie to myself this time that i am strong, that i am healing. That's why im writing again tonight. I can't keep it to myself anymore. But its just for me to let go of what is inside my heart and mind. I will be better after this. I need to accept the fact that no matter how you think you are compatible with the person, that you once called home, but if its not meant to be, it will not be. Its the hardest pill to swallow. But i hope soon i will see the reason behind everything that have happened. Life is always unfair.