Assalamualaikum and hi everyone. I'm about to update about how am i doing these past 2 months ++ after i broke up with my ex boyfriend. Just to let my hearts out here because....well.
To be honest, i'm doing fine. I lied if there's not a day that i don't miss him. I do. A lot. Because, i think that, i am very happy being with him before. We were not in that toxic relationship. But, as he mentioned before, he didn't see the sparks anymore. Means that he is no longer in love with me as much as i do. I think, that is one of the reason why i decided to leave the relationship. Not to forget that he told me that he love her too no matter he said that he love me more because i love him differently. Even though we told each other that we miss each other, even though i still sometimes hope for him to come back, but, i don't know. I just can't go back.
People said that “ if you love two person at the same time , choose the second one because if you truly love the first one , then you will never falling in love with others “. Somehow its true. And its never easy to move on. Especially when you are that kind of person who are hardly in love and unlove someone. I am not surprised that it is still hard for me to move on even though this is not the first time.
I think the reason why its hard for me to move on from him this time is because, i had the best memories with him, i saw him changed, i saw how he treated me differently, i love how compatible we can be, i love the fact that our birthdays are near, i love the fact that how we love hugs and kisses, i love everything about our relationship. But what can i do when i am also a human, who have my limits.
Its never easy to pretend that you are happy, that you are fine. But life must go on. Sometimes i still sleep with his sweater on when its cold because i miss him. and i still sleep with wawa, his gift for me for our first anniversary.
Maybe we were only meant to cross each other's path for a lesson. Knowing you for 4 years, have thought me a lot of things. I still love you until now. No matter how i wanted this feelings to go away if it is written that you are not meant for me. But, it is still here. The feelings. I hate that. Because he is happier now. Without me. While i'm still struggling with this feelings.
I think, i might not regretting my decision this time. Because, i can see how happy he is without me, and maybe i need this break. To love myself more. And also, i will never know if he will repeat the same mistakes when we are far away after we graduated. So, leaving this relationship this time hurts a lot, but i know time will heal. I hope. And if you are reading this, i wanted to you to know that, i asked for a breakup during our foundation year is also because of this. I found out everything but i pretended that i don't know a thing about you. But i bet you girlfriend now, treated you better than i am right? :)
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