Regret

Assalamualaikum and hi. Its been awhile since the last time i updated my blog aite? I miss to type down in the night like this. I've been busy lately and everytime i got home from work, all i did was rest. I'll spend most of the night sleeping or playing phone, trying to relax. But my mind dont do the same.

   So here's what happened last week.

   My boyfriend came to meet me because we missed each other. Only God knows how happy i am on that day when he came by surprise! I smiled all the time since he texted me to let me know that he is coming without we planned to meet. I couldnt hide my excitement on that day. But after he came home, i started to mess everythings up.

   I am jealous, i overthink, i insecure, just because my boyfriend told me that his girl bestfriend once upon a time asked for his help to sent her to the hospital because her grandfather passed away. I am such a bitch because i overreacted over things like this. He didnt go and help but he came to me instead. I know i messed up everything. I regretted what i have done last week. I regretted what i tweeted. I am just afraid. Because i love him so much.

   But then i made him feel upset about it. He thought that i didnt trust him. He thought that his effort was not enough. I am regretting what i have done but i know its too late to regret all that. I followed my emotions without thinking about his. I am sorry...

   His effort is always more than enough for me. He came all the way from his house to mine just because we missed each other, he always tried to understand me, he spoiled me as much as he can, he give me all the love that i wanted, he gave me all the attention that i needed and wanted, he screenshotted all the photos that i sent through snapchat, he put my selfies as his phone wallpaper, he always be there for me whenever i am feeling down, and he did so much more effort to make me happy and trust him. And i do trust him, until now. I feel that jealousy, overthinking and insecurities because i love him, very much. I never wanted  to lose him anymore. I lost him twice and it happened so sudden. Thats why i think i am afraid. But i know i shouldnt because he changed.

   I love him, with all of my heart and soul. He always be the one that i can be myself, that i can have the affection that i need. I know i might sounded like a selfish person but, i really do love him. Very much. I swear i never love someone this much before. I wanted to spend my whole life with him. And i want him to know that i trusted him, love him, very much. I hope he can forgive me...